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- THE DEAN:
- Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
- Is more powerful than a locomotive
- Is faster than a speeding bullet
- Walks on water
- Gives policy to God
- THE DEPARTMENT HEAD:
- Leaps short buildings in a single bound
- Is more powerful than a switch engine
- Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
- Talks with God
- PROFESSOR:
- Leaps short buildings with a running
start and favorable winds
- Is almost as powerful as a switch
engine
- Is faster than a speeding BB
- Walks on water in an indoor swimming
pool
- Talks with God if a special request is
honored
- ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR:
- Barely clears a quonset hut
- Loses tug of war with a locomotive
- Can fire a speeding bullet
- Swims well
- Is occassionally addressed by God
- SENIOR LECTURER:
- Makes high marks on the walls when
trying to leap tall buildings
- Is run over by locomotives
- Can sometimes handle a gun without
inflicting self-injury
- Treads water
- Talks to animals
- LECTURER:
- Climbs walls continually
- Rides the rails
- Plays Russian Roulette
- Walks on thin ice
- Prays a lot
- GRADUATE STUDENT:
- Runs into buildings
- Recognizes locomotives two out of three
times
- Is not issued ammunition
- Can stay afloat with a life jacket
- Talks to walls
- UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT:
- Falls over doorstep when trying to
enter buildings
- Says "Look at the choo-choo"
- Wets himself with a water pistol
- Plays in mud puddles
- Mumbles to himself
- DEPARTMENT SECRETARY:
- Lifts buildings and walks under them
- Kicks locomotives off the tracks
- Catches speeding bullets in her teeth
and eats them
- Freezes water with a single glance
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